I was re-watching ep. 17 and traced the attached out. It may not quite match the storyline--I've never seen past ep. 22 and don't know the movies. But this variant satisfies me. I hope y'all like it to. Send comments to me Patrick Drazen Evas - A Verse "Gomi"* (A continuation of Rei's internal monologue in episode 17) Why? Why did he do that? Why did I do that? Why can't I stop thinking about it? Wrong. I can stop. But I don't want to. I have to understand. It's so- Shinji-kun Like his father Pulled open the plug door Like his father I couldn't think of what to say Awkward among people Like Shinji-kun First he wanted to save my life It didn't matter Then he wanted to clean up my trash My face turned red Why? Why? I was grateful I spoke words of gratitude for the first time For trash Not for my life For trash Shinji-kun How much I know How much is that? Our minds were in sync I saw myself Not as I am But as he sees me The shock! The difference! The first time he was here He fell on top of me His hand touching my breast And I saw him He wanted to remember Rubbing his fingers together Trying to make them recall The memory of the contact I touch myself: nothing My breasts: nothing My--what the girls in school Call--my "over there": nothing No pleasure, no pain Was something taken from me? Did NERV take my nerve endings? Have my neurons been reprogrammed To say: "This far, no further. She will not feel what you wish. She feels what WE wish." I cannot force my fingers To remember anything. They cannot remember What they never felt Suzuhara-kun brought the reports It was his duty Shinji-kun picked up the trash It was his choice. I think of Shinji-kun I think of thanking him It is not my duty And it is not my choice Something in me Keeps me thinking of Shinji-kun Why was I grateful Why did I thank him Why do I think of these things Is it something NERV planted inside me Or something hidden, secret even from NERV, Waiting like one of Kaji-san's melons Waiting to face an artificial sun And an unforgiving world *gomi--Japanese for "trash"