Just to let you know, this is a yaoi 'fic (coming from me, that's no 
surprise), so you'll be treated to a male-male relationship.  If this sorta 
thing isn't your bag, then scram!  Scat!  Otherwise, why not stick around?  
^_^  Also, if you haven't seen up to episode 24, I suggest you take a 
gander at some other EVA fanfics...
Mail comments to:  BigFire_hq@hotmail.com

"Farewell to the Angelic Seashore"

by:  Chuck Williamson

	Shinji silently attempted to hold back his tears, but the act seemed 
futile.  They came flowing in perfect unison, one tear appearing next to its 
mate.  The burden was too much for him and he let out a low pitched moan.  
His mind, filled with mixed emotions of the hatred that his father had 
implanted and the love he now felt in his heart for Kaworu, suddenly became 
very heavy, forcing Shinji to lower his head to the point of nearly curling 
into a ball.  The heat of the cramped area within EVA-01 added to Shinji's 
anxiety.  The weeping continued.
	This was his moment under the flame.  Would he force himself to 
kill the only person that he could ever be capable of loving?  Or would he 
forsake his world and let Armageddon occur once again?

 	The red sky gleamed across the horizon of the seashore, its own 
shade of blood parallel to the tranquillity of the location where Shinji 
Ikari, the Third Child chosen to save humanity, stood.  The sight was 
trivial to Shinji.  He merely glanced at it through blank eyes; eyes that 
had become hardened by his own personal conflicts.  
	His mind had a tendency to wander, and this time was no different.  
It now struck him that he was alone.  Rei Ayanami, silent and seemingly 
uncaring, was no longer an enigma.  With her true origins revealed, Shinji 
had found himself cowering away from any sort of confrontation with her.  
What Ritsuko had shown him in the laboratory that night had forced Shinji 
into an emotional whirlwind.  He fought away any sort of motherly love that 
he may have developed for Rei, but that had now become a lost cause.  	Then 
there was Asuka.  The once flamboyant girl was now reduced to the traumatized
and deathly afraid creature that he had become acquainted to recently.  Her 
encounter with the fifteenth Angel had aroused certain memories of her 
dreadful childhood.  It was almost as if it had raped her mind, thus 
breaking her soul and watching it shatter into fragments of glass.  Even if 
companionship was a possibility, it wouldn't have mattered.  She had escaped 
from Misato's apartment the proceeding week, leaving neither a note nor some 
sort of signification of where she was heading.
	Touji, after the loss of his leg, refused to make any sort of verbal 
contact with Shinji.  But how could one blame him? Touji was still unaware 
of the use of the Dummy Plug, the tool which brought his immanent crippling.  
To this day, he blamed Shinji Ikari and EVA-01 for his injury.  Kensuke had 
only spoken to him once after that day, but it had been merely a phone call 
which Nerv took the liberty of disconnecting.  The two boys were now gone, 
away from the war-zone that Tokyo-3 had now become.  
	Several others flashed throughout his mind.  Misato's attitude had 
made a peculiar transformation lately.  The once bubbly and cheerful woman 
had now shown how fragile she truly was.  At random moments, she could be 
seen weeping for no apparent reason and she often locked herself away in her 
own room, refusing any sort of visitation.  This attitude soon disappeared 
whenever she was seen on duty, for the capable officer returned , leaving 
the true Misato lying in her cluttered bed, bawling and sobbing.  
	Kaji had disappeared. This man who Shinji had only begun to 
understand through much bonding had vanished without a trace.  As did 
Ritsuko, which was not surprising after witnessing her break-down on the 
night where Rei's factual origins were revealed.  Shinji only wished that 
the same would happen to his father, the source of his anguish.  A man who 
truly deserved to die.
	I hate you.
	Shinji felt his patience slowly being devoured.  He knew that his 
existence was now pointless and the Evangelion had become the only highlight
of an otherwise tragic life.  But he suspected that this would soon be over 
as well.  He had overheard many rumors of the final Angel approaching, 
meaning that there would soon be nothing in his life.
	He now detested this seashore.  The bitter emotions created a flood 
within Shinji; a flood where he was now drowning.  As he began to contemplate 
over a sanctuary to depart to, a sound caught his ear.  It's clarity became 
more apparent as the seconds passed and Shinji realized that it was the 
sound of humming.  Someone close by was humming Beethoven's "Ode to Joy".  
He turned to its believed source; to his left.  There, sitting atop a pillar 
of stones, Shinji's eyes first fell upon the boy who would become the doom 
of him.
	His slouching position created the illusion of floating.  His hair, 
long and unwieldy, was the color winter snow; white and beautiful.  His pale 
completion seemed to be of the exact color, only a few shades lighter.  
His skin seemed to be as smooth as silk and the thought of running his 
fingers over his flesh, to see if this assumption was true, crossed Shinji's 
mind more than once.  The only coloration apparent on his face was a pair 
of reddish eyes.  Shinji noticed his wide grin and suddenly felt an odd 
sense of comfort.  
	The boy's tune came to a halt.  Keeping his eyes upon the falling 
sun, the boy said, "A song is good."  At those words, Shinji felt a melting 
sensation in his heart.  The boy's voice was soothing, its smooth and 
melodic tone echoing throughout Shinji's mind.  
	Shinji was overwhelmed by the boy's presence and he was unable to 
speak.  Had he been there this whole time?
	"A song brings us joy,"  he continued, turning his head to the 
bewildered Shinji.  "A song is the highest culture that Lilims have created. 
Don't you think so, Ikari Shinji-kun?"
	Shinji took no regard in what the boy had said other than the final 
sentence.  "How do you know my name?" he said, his bafflement intensifying.
	The boy's grin broadened, "Everyone knows your name. Excuse me, but 
you had better be aware of your own position."
	Had word of his accomplishments gone so far?  Shinji felt a small 
surge of pride surge through his body; that same feeling that he had 
experienced whenever his father had praised him.  How foolish he had been 
to strive to be in high admiration of such a man.
	"Is that so?"  Shinji said.  "Well, who are you?"
	"I'm Kaworu.  Nagisa Kaworu.  Just like you, I am one of the 
selected children.  I am the Fifth Child."
	"Fifth Child!?  You?  Nagisa-kun?"
	The boy shook his head and said, "Call me Kaworu, Ikari-kun."
	Shinji smiled for the first time in quite a while and said, "all 
right, then call me Shinji."
	A ray of dying sunshine flashed upon Kaworu's immaculate features to 
reveal a smile.  A welcoming expression; beautiful in its own way.  Shinji's 
dispair waned and he suddenly felt as if the flood was somehow over.

	His synchronization test had been a complete success.  The entire 
situation had been completed in utter silence; no words were spoken by any 
pilots.  The Nerv officials, however, made many comments on Kaworu's 
progress.  Shinji became joyful as the admiration of the Fifth's unbelievable
syncro rate blared through his ears.  It seemed that he had left quite an 
impression on his superiors.
	After the test, Shinji was sent away in order to remove his 
plug-suit.  Alone, rupturing the sweet silence as his mind reflected over 
gentle Kaworu.  

	It was time to depart for home.  His reluctance to face Misato was 
unbearable, seaming at the breaking point.  Earlier today, Nerv officials 
had found the whereabouts of Asuka; now reduced into a state of comatose.  
Could he face Misato, the frail creature who was currently falling apart, a
fter this incident?  The situation looked bleak.  He was now truly alone; no 
one to share his heart with.  
	This reasoning had now led him to his current location.  Leaning 
against the cool iron of the wall adjacent to Gate-13, Shinji's mind 
retreated to the speakers of his head-phones.  Beethoven's "Ode to Joy"--the 
very song Kaworu had greeted him with.
	(A song brings us joy.  A song is the highest culture that Lilims 
have created.)
	Lilims?  What exactly had this statement meant?  
	Before the puzzled Shinji could contemplate futhur, the gate 
situated in front of him slid open and Kaworu appeared behind it; hands 
thrust into his pockets, grinning.
	It was at this moment that it became so clear to Shinji--it became 
a shock that it hadn't hit home sooner.  He would never be alone, as long 
as Kaworu was near...

	Due to Kaworu's request, the two boys now lay in the bath, letting 
the water's pulsing heat soothe their tension.  Shinji's at least.  From the 
first time Shinji had lain eyes upon his latest companion, he had yet to see
any sort of anguish cross his path.  Kaworu was a gentle spirit, remaining 
intact despite the odds.  He was fascinating; an enigma that Shinji had only
begun to solve.  He enjoyed his company and this affection seemed to 
returned.  He had never felt this way toward another person, though this 
emotion seemed be to a puzzle in itself.
	To add to his list of attributes, Kaworu was also a brilliant 
conversationalist.  Unlike Asuka's immature antics and Rei's cold glares, 
Kaworu had many worthwhile things to say and the appropriate words to match 
the subjects.  At the time, they had been speaking of human nature and the 
spirit that had driven Shinji to move forward, whenever the lights to the 
bathing area dimmed and the warmth of the water abruptly switched over to 
lukewarm.
	"It's time,"  Shinji said, slightly disappointed.  He so wanted to 
stay in Kaworu's company forever; enrapturing himself within the discussion.
	Also sounding displeased, Kaworu replied, "It's over?"
	"We have to go to bed."
	The remaining fragments of light seemed to enwrap itself over 
Kaworu's face as an almost devilish grin crossed his face, "Together, with 
you?"
	Exasperated by the absurdity of the statement, Shinji released a 
gasp.  What was he aiming at?
	"Ah... no, you are provided with your own, different room."  
	Kaworu's expression metamorphosed into solemnity.  He set his 
attention over to the nondescript wall and said, "Well, people always feel 
pain in their hearts.  The heart is easy to wound, that's why living is 
painful.  In particular, your heart is fragile like glass."  Like a snake, 
his hand had crept over Shinji's.  Astonished, the boy had gasped once more.
	Perplexed and a bit tense, Shinji questioned, "Me?"
	He turned his gaze to his friend and smiled, "Worthy of love."
	"Love?"
	"I mean... I love you."
	His heart skipped a beat.  Silence expanded throughout the room.  
Had he heard correctly?  Had Kaworu proclaimed his love?  Never, not even 
by those he had been closely connected to, had spoken these three words; 
words that meant the world to Shinji.
	Interrupting any further ponderings, Kaworu lifted himself from the 
tub and made his way out.  Shinji couldn't help but stare at his nude glory; 
the darkness obscuring his features.  He felt a sharp pain in his stomach 
(guilt?) as he did so but his attention had yet to be deterred.  Kaworu 
turned his head to the glaring boy and, in an attempt to seem casual, Shinji 
swiftly spun away from the bare, immaculate body.
	"If you want, you could come over to Misato's apartment for the 
night.  I'm sure she wouldn't mind."  A lie.  Ever since Kaworu had 
appeared, she had taken up a suspicious attitude toward him.  It was her 
nature, he assumed.
	Kaworu beamed at this.  "Nonsense!  I think my place would be more 
appropriate.  Not only is it nearer, but it's brand new.  Even empty rooms 
get lonely sometimes."  He ended the statement with a small chortle.
	"Are you sure?  I mean... I don't wish to intrude..."  Shinji 
proclaimed, realizing that he had once made the exact statement to Misato.  
Another smile crept upon his face.  
	"Think nothing of it.  Just please, accent!"  Kaworu answered, as 
he ventured off to fetch a pair of towels.
	Shinji's heart felt as if it would burst.  For the very first time 
in his life, he felt as if he had a meaningful existence.  Yes, he had a 
reason to move on.  He would live for Kaworu.
	"Then I accept."

	Finally, a beneficial use was found for Misato's cellular phone.
	Luckily, Misato had paid little attention to what was being said, 
answering with yawns and various 'uh-huhs'.  She was apparently drunk, most 
likely toting PenPen against her bosom as if it were a newborn child.  The 
poor creature... always the one to play Misato's mute psychiatrist.  Claiming
exasperation by the day's events, Misato replied that she was turning in for 
the night and suggested that the pair do the same.  With that, the dull 
click of disconnection.
	She must be psychic, Shinji thought.  We where doing the same.
	Despite Kaworu's pleading, Shinji refused to have his friend lie on 
the floor.  The argue was a brief one -- as Kaworu soon discovered, Shinji 
could be obstinate, whenever he wished to be.  Chuckling, Kaworu accepted 
Shinji's kindness and took control of the bed.  Shinji took his position 
next to him, letting the stiff, cool boards comfort his back.
	"You have something that you want me to hear."  Kaworu predicted.
	It was true.  Shinji had much to share with his new friend; many 
dark clouds that Kaworu would spread his enchanting sunlight over.  "I've 
experienced many things since I came here.  I was at my teacher's before.  
Silent and calm days.  I did nothing but exist.  That was fine with me.  
I had nothing to do."  
	The reply came quickly, though it resembled more of a question.  
"You dislike people?"
	"Well, I don't really care for people.  Except for my father, who I 
hate."  The words seemed to drift off, spreading so easily to Kaworu.
	Shinji turned his head over to Kaworu only to see the boy releasing 
yet another of his traditional smiles.  With a slight giggle, he said, "I 
might have been born to meet you."
	Shinji pressed the subject further, "Oh?  Why do you say that?"
	The answer came swiftly, without words.  Kaworu rose to a 
half-sitting position and sent his arm forward.  It struck against Shinji's 
cheek, caressing the boy's soft flesh.  He couldn't help but moan at this 
seductive welcoming.  The warm feeling that he had grown accustom to 
recently returned to take residence within his heart.  
	Without warning, Kaworu rolled over and took his place on top of 
Shinji, straddling him.  As expected from the boy, he smiled; exquisite, 
perfect.  His fiery eyes gleamed with passion as he bent his torso downward 
and laid his head upon Shinji's chest.  To Shinji's dismay, the hand that 
had caressed his cheek had been aptly removed.  His grief had been 
short-lived, however, for Kaworu was now using this hand to unbutton his 
shirt.  His mind clouded by anxiety, Shinji began to do the same.
	As Kaworu pressed his lips against his in a prelude to this ultimate 
gesture of passion, Shinji realized what that elusive emotion had been; what 
it had always existed as.  Love.  He loved Kaworu Nagisa.  
	But...
	"Kaworu... I don't know... if I can do this..."
	The opposing boy's tone held a note of frantic anxiety, as if this 
were his mere purpose for living.  "Shinji... if you do not wish to do so, 
then I will cease.  But, I feel... as if I should give you my all.  My very 
soul, if possible!  If my life is cut short... if there is a passing moment 
where I cannot spend eternity by your side, then I want to know that I had 
given you all I could on this single, perfect night.  If I'm being too direct, 
please forgive me.  I understand... that this sort of thing is unexpected 
-- seemingly immoral -- for one so young... but... I love you, Shinji-kun..."
	Shinji was gasping; the mere thought of Kaworu's demise was enough 
to induce tears.  "Don't speak of such things, Kaworu-kun.  I accept your 
kindness... once again..."
	Hidden behind the walls of Kaworu's room, the two made love without 
care of being caught or exposed.  They were now beyond shame and the two met 
together and merged into a single living organism.  
	This was love.

	An hour had passed.  Though Shinji, now exhausted beyond 
comprehension, slept soundly, his lover could not.  Kaworu spent the 
remainder of the night glaring down at the slumbering Shinji, his eyes 
locked upon those attractive features that had guided him physically and 
mentally.  He truly loved him, and that simple fact sent shudders into his 
heart.
	Tomorrow, when he would herald the first day of annihilation, the 
two would be forced to become enemies.  The tears loosely fell from his 
eyes and down upon Shinji's face.  Fate had dealt them a cruel hand in life.
But no matter what went on after this incident, Kaworu knew that his heart 
would never belong to another.
	"Shinji, I love you... for eternity."  He followed this sentiment 
by a kiss, landing upon the unconscious Shinji's lips.

	The pursuit.  The seventeenth Angel, the one who he had opened his 
heart to on the preceeding night, was cornered.  The mingling of betrayal, 
hatred, and adoration spread through Shinji's disturbed mind as he 
confirmed the location of Kaworu, floating nearby the contained angel known 
as Adam.  He didn't hesitate to manipulate EVA-01 into gripping Kaworu in 
its colossal hand.
	The boy released his final smile.  Shinji was quick to note that 
unlike the predecessors, this smile was one of despair and sorrow.  "Thank 
you Shinji-kun," Kaworu said, his voice unflinching.  "I wished you to keep 
Unit Two.  Otherwise, I might have lived with her."
	"Kaworu-kun, why?"  Shinji croaked.
	"I've been destined to live forever, even if humanity is annihilated 
as a result.  However, I am able to die.  To be or not to be.  It makes no 
difference to me.  My death is the only absolute liberty."  As he said this, 
his head had moved heavenward, glaring intently at something that Shinji was 
unable to view.
	"What... what are you talking about?  Kaworu-kun! I don't understand 
what you're talking about!  Kaworu-kun!"  His voice became a muffled cry, 
the tears only beginning to form.
	"My last words," was his retort.  "Now, please erase me.  Otherwise 
you will be erased.  The life that escapes the time of annihilation, and that 
obtains the future, is only one.  And, you are not the one who must die.  
All of you need the future.  Thank you.  I am glad to have met you."  With 
that, his smile widened, and Shinji couldn't help but notice that Kaworu had 
begun to cry.  
	The melancholy was too much to bear.  He loved Kaworu, but did this 
mean that he should deny his final request only to have him in his 
possession once more as the world flickered out of existence?  The strain 
of it all consumed Shinji--he knew that the death of Kaworu would also 
destroy that touch; that gentle touch that had sent shivers of ecstasy down 
his spine.  But his demand could not go undefined and his decision was made 
with his heart pulling away, but accepting nevertheless.
	At that instant, Kaworu died.

	By the seashore.  Shinji's silence on the way home had disturbed 
Misato heavily.  In an attempt to somehow raise his spirits, she had brought 
him to this spot, unaware that Kaworu and Shinji had made contact for the 
first time here.  They sat among the rocks and sand, listening to the 
calming, low rumble of the sea.  Finally, the brief serenity was shattered.
	"Kaworu-kun, said 'I love you.'  To me!  For the first time... for 
the first time I heard those words.  He looked like me, yet he looked like 
Ayanami.  I loved him.  Kaworu-kun should have been the one to survive.  He 
was much better than I am.  He should have survived."  He lowered his head 
as the weeping became a downpour.
	Misato, her voice unmoved by this sentiment, said, "No.  A survivor 
only needs the will to survive.  He wished to die.  He abandoned the will to 
live, and depended on false hope.  You were not wrong."
	Sobbing softly, Shinji replied, "You are cold, Misato-san."

	On his bed, Shinji made no attempt at sleep.  Why bother?  The 
blood that had been drawn from Kaworu's broken body still stained his hands.
His empty eyes held on to the ceiling that had once been unfamiliar.  He was 
now alone; a stranger to the world around him.  The remaining inhabitants 
did not care for him, and he felt the same.  Only Kaworu was worthy of his 
love and his love only went to him.
	In the dull silence of the dark room, Shinji began to hum an 
off-tune version of the chorus of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy".  The sound of 
his own voice soothed him and rocked him into a slumber full of haunting 
nightmares.  Perhaps these dreams were precognition of the days to come, 
where the Earth would feel the aftermath of the vile labors of Seele.

THE END

"God's in His Heaven.  All's Right With the World."
- Robert Browning